Changing Me

Today, I went and got my hair cut...short. I donated it to Locks of Love in memory of my Aunt Barbara who passed away last May from Brain Cancer. I am so excited because I have never donated before.
I decided that since today is the first day of the CWCB fitness challenge that I will go the whole 9 yards and change myself for the better.
First on the agenda was the haircut. I have also remembered to eat breakfast & lunch today. Go Me! Go Me!
I know that in order to really love anyone else, I have to first love myself. I am trying to make that happen. I know that Greg and I have a lot to work on as far as our marriage goes, but I know that we will make it. I have started singing again. I have missed it.
I feel the sudden urge to go back to church...I am so excited! I know my husband has been praying for me no matter how far apart I am from him.
I can feel God working on me and pulling at my heart. I know that God will not put any more on me than HE thinks that I can handle...He must think I am pretty strong! So now, I have to convince myself that I am strong and can do this.
I am so thankful that God has placed people in my life that He knows will be there to hold me up when I am falling.

I am off to finish cleaning up the apartment. I have a date tonight with Jillian MIchaels's and her 30 Day Shred!

I'm on Team Aqua...Goooo Aqua!

I got my team for the 30 day Fitness Challenge in CWCB...I am team Aqua with Marsella & Krissylady! Woo Hoo! The challenge starts on Monday.

So my short term goals for this challenge are as follows:

Actually go to bed and get at least 8 hours of sleep.
Work out at least 5 times a week using the 30 day shred, elliptical, or walking.
Cutting out all soda.
Drinking lots and lots of water...I really don't like water!
and the big one...lose 10-20lbs!

My long term goal is to lose 110 lbs!

The great news is that Greg will start working from 3-11 so he can watch the kids so I can go work out and have a little me time to start taking better care of myself which also means I will be more motivated since I don't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go work out. I am not a morning person at all so having to get up at 5am to work out just doesn't motivate me. With him going to work at 3, I can get up at say 8 and go work out! Go Me, Go Me!!

Time To Get My PHATABULOUS Butt in Shape!

Well, I have been procrastinating and procrastination and procrastinating some more about losing weight. Why? I have no earthly clue...maybe because I love food wayyyy to much when I actually eat, maybe it's because my husband wears some kind of goggles that makes him see a beautiful me even though I am a "fat" girl, maybe it's hereditary. I don't know. I lost weight once before but not for the right reasons...it was because I was married to my ex-asshat that was convinced that I needed to look like Trish Stratus in order to be beautiful. I lost from 300lbs down to 143lbs. However, maintaining 160lbs on my 5'2" inch self was at my most healthiest since somehow I inherited my great grandmother's linebacker frame. I got pregnant with Chloe and did was my dad calls "self-sabotaging" and gained back 80lbs. I did pretty good with the boys and only gained and lost 20 lbs with each pregnancy.
But then came the stress eating and now I am almost back up to 300lbs. I don't want to be 300lbs...what person in their absolute mind would want to be 300lbs??? My weight is 277lbs as of today.
I have my 10 year class reunion at the end of June and I did not want to go back as the "fat" girl that got made fun of. Though I do get a kick out of all the guys that refused to date me because I was fat or made fun of me...well you see, a few of them married fat girls, or even better, they got fat themselves! I think it's great! I know that seems so very snarky, but I have anxiety issues because of these people...so no, I don't feel bad for them. I wish them nothing but happiness. Though part of me wants to walk into my reunion and have some of them go "D-A-M-N, what was I thinking? I should've dated her", but we all know that is not going to happen! That's only in the movies ;P!
So anywho, back to the topic at hand...I gotta lose some kind of weight. Because I want to, for the right reasons. What are these reasons?
1.) I want ENERGY!
2.) I want to look good in a bathing suit...I know, so shallow!
3.) I want to look awesome on my husband's arm when we head to our new command in July.
4.) I want to play with my kids at the park without thinking "I am going to die, they are going to kill me" while heaving my big rear a few feet from the monkey bars to the swings.
5.) I want to not have to shop at Lane Bryant, Ashley Stewart, or Avenue...I wanna shop at Old Navy, Gap, Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria Secret, & Aeropostale, Dammit! Ya know, the normal people stores???
6.) and last but not least, I wanna go ride roller coasters at Busch Gardens without thinking "Is my big hiney going to fit in the seat?"!

I think these are pretty good reasons...Don't you?
So yeah, I belong to a group of Cafemom, Cuties with Cloth Booties, and we are doing a 30 day challenge. So, I joined the challenge. It will be fun! I'll go ahead and give a shout out to Mega.Mama & Calebsmomma since they just started their blogs. I'll do a link back later.
I'll post my measurements the day that the challenge starts and maybe a pic so I can track my progress on here as well.

Love,
B

New Year's Goals (Not Resolutions)

This year, I have decided not to make resolutions. Resolutions get broken...so I have made a few goals for myself.

My first goal is to lose 70 lbs. I have my 10 year class reunion in June and though I really need to lose a lot more than 70 lbs, that is the first big goal.
I want to start getting back in to church. I have strayed really bad and I know that I need Him above all else.
I want to get off of the Pepsi drinking kick...I have already switched to Crystal Light & Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi. Not quite as good as the real thing, but a little bit better for me!
I am trying to be a better mommy & wife...keeping the house clean, laundry done, and dinner on the table for my man when he gets home. I did really well with it last week, but this week has been a little bit more complicated with the medical issues I have going on.
I also want to be able to get rid of all of my meds and as I become healthier.

This is the start of another long journey for me!